Being in a relationship with a non-smoker
“Does your boyfriend smoke weed?”
Is what I am often asked by new friends who are starting to get to know me (ie. Cannabis smoker me).
“Not really” is usually my answer.
Because the truth is, he doesn’t really smoke weed. While I smoke every day he rarely does. He turns down all the joints I pass with love. That’s OK, though. I guess I was somehow a little bothered at first, projecting some judgment of my person onto him. As if turning down my joints meant he was looking down on me for being a smoker. I got over that though, but more on that later.
What he may not know is that cannabis had a little something to do with me liking him in the first place. Only a little. Or maybe he knew exactly what he was doing and, let’s face it, it worked.
B. is my love and boyfriend and will be referred to as such as of now on two counts:
1. preserving his privacy.
2. it’s the first letter of his name.
B. and I first met in Amsterdam through a mutual friend and didn’t see each other again for 6 months, when I traveled to Dublin for work. Be assured that our first encounter was nowhere near romantic. In fact we had no idea our second one would be a little. The 2nd time B. and I met, we had arranged to meet in the Dublin Pub ‘The Long Stone’ for a Guinness. After we sat down and talked for a while he declared he had a joint. Are you familiar with the heart eyes emoji face? That’s my face right then. We walked around the corner and stood under this railway bridge, and sparked the already-rolled joint he had thoughtfully took along. It was freezing and fun and definitely weirdly romantic. All in all the night was wonderful and turned into one of those dates that’s so great because it’s not a date. But then it’s a date. Get me?
And the rest, as they say, is history.
So am I saying that a cannabis smoker can live happily ever after with a non cannabis smoker? Believe it or not after that lovey dovey anecdote, I’m skeptical.
The True Romance.
The thing with B. is that he’s never tried to change me. He has never ‘encouraged’ me to quit smoking, to smoke less, or to smoke away from him. Now you might point to the fact that I was already a cannabis smoker when we met. You might therefore perceive as ‘normal’ the fact that he accepts this, and me, just as it is. Sure. I agree. And for years I’ve told myself I shall not quit for anyone but myself, shall I want to.
I am that guy.
But let me ask you this: between the people you know, those you are friends with, and those you have been in a relationship with – how many of those people tried to change you? Even if in the slightest. How many wanted you to eat less pie, to have less Nutella on that pie, to drink less champagne with that pie, and to smoke less/no joint after that pie? I know because I am one of those people too. I can be that guy, just like I can be accepting. B., when it comes to my cannabis smoking, is only the latter. That’s one of the many reasons I love him.
Not our problem.
And sure, there’s probably a lot he doesn’t like about me so much, and the smoking weed may be one of them. But never, not once, has he made this my problem. Don’t let anyone make this your problem, either.
Much love xx
I like this!